What if, early in life, you learned to expect that, in certain situations or relationships, you could never be safe and would likely always end up feeling unloved. Or you could never be productive in your projects and would always end up feeling ruined. Or you wanted to be brave and unified and always ended up feeling threatened and unimportant.

There are many different reasons why this happens. In our self-doubt we need to be acceptable to others. We accept what they believe and there seems to be more communication aboutpain and suffering than about pleasure and joy. We are more aware of our painful experiences in childhood than of the pleasant ones, and they become more memorable. It is the brain's survival strategy to focus on what we don't want rather than on what we do want more of. What we don't want is what we learn to expect and this becomes an expectation from then on, kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We all have created some beliefs like these, and we guaranteed the expected outcome. Of course we’ll be consistent with what we believe about ourselves even if it keeps us feeling unhappy. We made it impossible to have what we wanted. We created a language of the impossible. We learned early in life that what we want is impossible; what we learned to expect, instead, is what we don’t want. We are mostly unaware of all of this.

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Say, for example, the Behavioral Barometer words for a defusion are the popular words: Considered vs. Overlooked. This is how I might tell the story.

From the beginning of your life you were completed and in oneness. You felt completed and your choices were right for you. However, you soon had to learn to conform to other people’s expectations and make choices that did not seem right for you. You did not feel completed any more, being yourself, expressing yourself. You felt melancholy and separation. You would have insisted on your right to be yourself, to express yourself, to go where you wanted; you may have been ignored or punished till you conformed. Eventually you formed this expectation: I can never be and feel completed in oneness anymore; I’ll always end up in melancholy and separation. Of course, this is your interpretation. Your parents could justify that they were doing this for your well-being, to protect you from hurting yourself, making you conform because, of course, you have to be “socialised”. You came to believe something like this: I am not allowed to be myself; who I am is not important to them. What's important is that I be what they expect. Feeling not-unified and unimportant certainly makes you feel melancholy and not-completed. And you expect that this will continue.

For most of your life you have been trying to create assurance for yourself and to be considered. If only they would consider ME, who I am, what I want and want to do. You tried to get them to consider you. Of course they did not consider you to your satisfaction. You always felt overlooked and more and more fear of loss. And that only reinforced the melancholy separation, and the belief you would never be and feel completed oneness. Your expectation ensured that you would not get what you wanted, and you would always end up with what you did not want.

You know: the problem is that you have not been considering yourself. Of course you will not be feeling considered by others. Take a look at what the word “considered” means. It comes from the Latin: con = with, and sider = star.  Many older cultures, including the medieval times, thought that every living thing had a star in the heavens that represented the unique essence and life purpose of that individual. To be with-your-star means to be in tune with your unique individual essence and purpose. So what would it mean to consider your self? It would mean that you are in tune with your essence. And to consider your options and values would mean that you hold them close to your heart to see if they resonate with your essence. Those that do, you will keep; those that don’t, you let go.

But what if you have been denying that you can ever be considered, or truly consider yourself, when you are in these relationships or situations, and you always expect to be and feel overlooked? You wouldn’t be considering your options or making the right choices for yourself.

Lately you’ve been trying to be willing to be refreshed., looking for something or some relationships that would refresh you. You are trying because it’s not happening, and you feel this fiery anger. You still get what you expect, which is what you don't want. You know what would be really refreshing? –to consider, for a change, what would be best in terms of who you are as an individual, to truly consider your options: What really resonates with your essential nature and purpose in life?

Unfortunately, when stress or fear come on line, you can’t consider your options. You are in overwhelm, and the beliefs and expectations you have set up run your life. It’s a vicious circle.

All the wanting in the world doesn’t get you what you want if you expect that you can't possibly have it. And if you have denied yourself awareness of this denial of what you want, the situation really is hopeless. Yet it is very easy to unravel this vicious circle.

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What I have done is to tell you the Barometer story starting with the words: Considered vs. Overlooked.  This is the way I would do it not knowing the details or your life. Now you get to fill out the details of the story unique to yourself in a process we call “age recession”. You will see how you created the story of your life around the Language of The Impossible. You will be able to write a new story around the Language of The Possible.

To make the positive changes we want, we have to stop the old expectations and their denials. To stop the denials we have to become aware of them. Through Clear Circuit Muscle Testing, you will identify the best times in your past to look at how you created and lived out your expectation that you can’t really have what you want and will always get what you don’t want. This is where the story that I have told about “Considered vs. Overlooked” becomes uniquely yours.

After the defusion process is finished you get some affirmations to use for homework. These are affirmations that will work.

The reason that so many affirmations don’t work for people is that they don’t really believe them. What they really believe constantly undermines what they are trying to tell themselves. “My life is perfect and everything is right for me!” You know you are trying to talk yourself into believing what you don’t believe. What you really believe is that this is not true, so it doesn’t work.

You will get affirmations that, first of all, acknowledge what you have believed up till this defusion session. In the defusion you recognised and acknowledged that you yourself started to believe the old belief and you don't believe it any more. The affirmation keeps reminding you that you don't believe it now and it keeps alive your new belief and your new choice for a positive change. You choose to develop a habit of speaking the Language of the Possible rather than the language of the impossible that you have told yourself throughout your life

This is how it goes:
I can end the overlooked, fear of loss that I feel; I can have the considered assurance that I want. And as you keep reminding yourself that you can consider what is best for you, with assurance, you do it more and more.

And with this goes:
I can end the melancholy separation that I feel; I can have the completed oneness that I want.
I can end the fiery anger that I feel; I can have the refreshed willing that I want.
 

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